Can you help who you fall for?


Many a time I’ve heard it be said, ‘Well you can’t help who you fall for’ usually given as some explanation, justification or observation of an unhealthy relationship or unsuitable partner.  But can you?…Can you help who you fall in love with or are we completely at the mercy of it’s grip?

I mean, no doubt, there is no accounting for taste.  We can sometimes be surprised by who we find ourselves attracted to.  Perhaps they are not the ‘type’ or ‘look’ we usually go for or imagined ourselves with. But, if we’re using the phrase to excuse a bad choice of partner, are we really being honest with ourselves?

I agree there is often a point of (seemingly) no return when it comes to tipping over the precipice of reason and falling headlong into the depths of love but, there are always stepping stones that precede that approach and various sign posts along the way – but were we reading them properly? understanding them? or just plain ignoring them?

I’m completely unlucky in love (or again maybe it’s my choices) but I do seem to only attract highly dysfunctional people.  I’m rubbish at relationships.  However, looking back I can see how I quietened a few early alarm bells and averted my eyes from a few warning signs.  There really is a lot to be said for trusting our instincts and gut feelings.  I like to believe I’m a head over heart girl (and usually am – eventually) but the truth is I often go with my heart.

So why do we go into/stay in relationships we know are no good for us?  I suppose we want the relationship to be something it could be and it takes us a while to face the fact it is not and may never be – see blog post on the problem of ‘potential’.

I suppose we are missing out if we go through life like a robot clinically and methodically making every heart decision according to carefully thought out calculations of probability rather than the giddy hope of possibility but, neither should we be so utterly foolish as to try to fool ourselves.

Maybe we can’t help who we fall for but we can choose who we walk along the edge with in the first place.

What do you think?


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