Lessons in love from Adele

When I read about Adele ‘quitting music for love’ I felt an array of mixed emotions.  A part of me admired her putting her personal life first and at the very height of her career when she is clearly the darling of the moment worldwide.  However, another slightly louder part of me was screaming ‘what the hell are you doing girl??  For a man?? Giving up your dream??? Are you mad?  I did calm down and on reflection came to a more balanced but equally divided point of view and I had to explore my initial violent gut reaction:  There are the obvious reasons, I’m more than unlucky in love and clearly not designed for relationships with the opposite sex in most capacities.  Furthermore, I’ve always been fiercely independent and refused to give up my entire life just because I happen to be in a relationship.  It used to really concern me – ok totally freak me out – when I would see girls drop their girlfriends, personal pursuits and individual interests as soon as they found a man. This is destructive on so many levels:  Not only do you lose your identity not to mention your friends, but this relentless pouring into said man usually scares them off and in my experience guys actually like girlfriends to have their own separate interests at times for the purposes of space and toning down the intensity levels.  By nature I think women go in for things with both feet at full force with unswerving commitment but, relationships don’t have to be all consuming.  I’m not sure anything that is all consuming of our energy, time, emotions and self is healthy be it a relationship, a career or a hobby.  There is room in our lives for more than one ‘important’ thing and the variety can often not only add spice to the other but also, compliment and strengthen it.  For example, I love being a mum but by making time for other things rather than immersing myself only in my parent role I believe I do better in my role as a mother.

I guess with regards to Adele, if her dream is the man, then she is merely pursuing her true dream of love rather than abandoning the other dream of her singing career.  However, I can’t help but feel there is room for both.  I genuinely admire her sacrifice and commitment for her partner as she admits ‘When I’m constantly working, my relationships fail’.  It’s a clear and true statement and she is showing a certain level of maturity in learning from past experience.  However, she talks about marriage and children and then coming back to music and I can’t help but think that will be the stage when the commitment and prioritizing of family will be even more important.  There is of course the very real option that, with her level of talent, she’ll be able to make a career from studio albums and not have to tour at all!  I guess what bothered me underneath my reaction was the possible example being set to women that once again we should give up everything good going for us and make huge personal sacrifices in order to keep a man.

Going back to the girls I described before, when their relationships broke down with the idolised man they found they had no friends and even worse no identity!  I just think until you’re sure they’re ‘the one’ (whatever that means and that’s a whole other blog post!) and will show they same sacrificial love and commitment to you then keep your sense of self ladies and keep those dreams alive – it makes you a whole lot more attractive in the process!

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