It’s funny how we change how we introduce ourselves depending on the audience. For example, at home I’m a mum. At work, a radio producer and presenter. Often at weekends, a singer! sounds exciting doesn’t it? Well actually it’s pretty exhausting and I often feel I’m not doing any of these things to my best ability. In fact I can sometimes feel a bit of a fraud in each of the roles.
Singing was my ‘old’ life (the fact that I refer to it as my ‘old’ life says a lot!). My son has just turned 2 and now when I gig I’m calculating how much sleep I’ll get by time I’m home before he wakes up – sometimes at 5.30am! It can feel like I’m ‘playing’ at my old life. “Tonight Matthew, I’m going to be a singer!” And my confidence has taken a huge hit in this area as a result.
At work I squeeze a week’s work into 3 days in the office and 1 day from home (with a toddler pestering me to look at planes on YouTube on my laptop and begging me to play cars). On tired days all acting skills are summoned into play when live on air to deliver the cheery, carefree duty of a presenter.
At home, I’m just ‘mummy’. ‘Just’ of course, does the role a disservice as this newest occupation has become my most life-transforming, mind-altering and important one I have ever encountered. It dominates, or at least permeates, everything else I do or think. Yet, I still fear sometimes that it also suffers in my desire to retain a sense of self somehow. However, there is no kidding myself (as I did during pregnancy) that this is undoubtedly the job I want to make the most success of.
The underlying failure of all this is that my son’s father and I split up when he was barely a year old and the bitter battle to extract oneself, move on and co-parent (ha!) ensues.
I’m starting this blog because I’m going to start taking back control of my life. sorting myself out, recovering from life’s blows and get some healing along the way. I want to feel worthy again. To rediscover lost talents. To believe they even exist. To be a successful, inspiration to my son – not a battered, under-confident victim to circumstances.
I’ve dreamed of starting my own business for a long time and I’m going to turn this into a reality.
I am passionate about seeing people believe, and therefore achieve, their dreams. everyone who knew me at healthier times knows this as I was always banging on about it. I get such a thrill seeing others dare to delve into their secret dreams, the ones they long-buried in childhood, and then begin first to think it, then write it down, then speak it out loud, then believe it and finally live it!
But how can I do this for others if I don’t first do it for myself? I believe every now and then you have to do something that scares you to remind yourself you’re alive and basically to give yourself a good kick up the bum! So I’ve decided to report on my process and progress. publically, online, warts and all! The failures along with the successes, the embarrassments along with the triumphs. I’m hoping I can encourage others along the way (especially mum’s who I have a particular heart for now) and anyone who wants to dare to dream. I also hope to gain some valuable research along the way to aid my business ideas.
So if you’re in – interested in learning from my mistakes, watching me fall flat on my face or to gain a little inspiration – why not jump on for the ride and sign up to follow my progress.
(A mum. A woman. A dreamer.)